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User blog:Krayfish/Reviews and retcons
CAUTION: Long, but important information below. I originally meant for this to be part of the Suppy Super Post, but this expanded far beyond than what I intended. Welcome to my first official review of the wiki's content. Yes, I do have criticisms for some things, but don't worry. I have proposed possible solutions to fix and retcon them. My primary focus is the Galactic Senate races. For civilizations, I've been trying to look for ways to expose the darker sides of the various empires, fleshing them out a lot more so that they don't come across as totally idealistic. Working out the details of the Galactic Senate and the events leading up to it would be a good way to start on it. The goal is just to reassure that living in one of our own empires is not totally better than living in human society. Dark Prophecy review After reading through Dark Prophecy once more, I have some more feedback. It's not only just to get us to finish it, but there's some other issues that I've notived myself: Genodraco I think the Genodraco can be explored far more deeply and tied to Renr a lot more. The Genodraco could be clones of Renr, his new version of the Harbingers. As he's been building his armies in secret, that's why they come out of nowhere. We should also rework the science behind how the Genodraco move from planet to planet as the teleporting spheres seems very soft in science to our standards of today. Tholker, Sol I Dor and Galiana A lot more personality should be established with these. I already talked to Suppy on how Tholker can be improved. He said he was going to go for a more strict, militaristic approach. For Sol I Dor, I kind of feel that Galiana far outshines him to the point where he comes across as more of a supporting character than a main character. As for Galiana herself, unless we can find a way to deconstruct the Chosen One archetype, the events that happen during Operation Titanic Discoveries 3 seem far too preditcable. Twin of Loneliness 2 I think Dark Prophecy should focus more on how GSSOC works at a team. Therefore, I think this story should be moved to Chaos Crisis. The triggering event would be after Ahrganot and Etah get into a bad argument over Infra's merits quite early into the story arc. As for Infra's appearance himself, it should be moved earlier in DP either in Dark Secrets or earlier. Zerevst Suppy had this idea to include an incident with the local police force. Basically, rumors begin spreading of GSSOC being terrorists. Also, Kalya would make her first appearance here. Wilkter is behind all this. Support GSSOC definitely needs some air support in missions. Perhaps an all out assault on Silva with GSSOC on the ground and Senate forces fighting armadas of Genodraco. A similar battle would take place over New Arckas during the events of The Final Confrontation. Review of Infra's motives Now that we reworked some backstories, I figure it is time to change Infra up a little bit. I always imagined him as an intelligent cunning villain who seems to know more about you than you do yourself. However, in Dark Prophecy, I don't think it captures this notion properly. So I've rereviewed them. Infra's Ultimate Goal His goal is to take control of the Harbingers directly. Basically, he alone is responsible for making the Dhragolon into Harbingers. To make him seem scarily smart, I wanted to have his plans come across as totally flawless, including his own death. *To proceed, he is constantly manipulating people to get his way, arranging nearly all galactic scale events in the past 7,000 years. *I'm thinking of just ditching Morduin's and Uszaroth's involvement with Infra entirely. Things are just getting more complex than they have to be. *As Renr is the last Harbinger technically speaking, Infra will use him as leverage against GSSOC. Instead of borrowing from Morduin, he is using Renr as a siphon as he is the last direct link to the Milky Way's conscious. *Infra wanted to make GSSOC as a backup plan. He wanted to engineer and harden them up. *Selvarius is someone who is actively competing against Infra. Both are trying to get dibs on Galiana forcing her to pick sides. *Kalya is Infra's successor in the event of his own death. Killing the other Rustiagon members would make her stronger, and the Dhragolon would naturally be more protective over her as she is the last of the bloodline. Titans As you may be aware, I recently alterred the Titan tech page to be tech by the Ancients. I figured that Titans don't really need technology given their nature. For the actual appearance of the Titans, I think to harden the science a bit, they should be akin to Boltzmann entities, requiring physical avatars to interact. Same powers as usual, but we just scientifically redefine what they are supposed to be. Therefore, a lot of the Titan artifacts that are used in Dark Prophecy will instead be leftovers from previous advanced civilizations whose tech was borderline magic. As for Levenslang himself, he's different from the Titans. I read this article on space.com that the universe grows like a giant brain which gave me the idea: Levenslang could be the universe itself. It goes hand in hand with what we already established with there being multiple "I"'s crafting multiple universes with imagination. Vern destroying the universe is really just getting his mind cleared for a fresh start. Self review of FMASN (aka DFM) I've been working to iron out some of the inconsistencies and other oddities. As you can see, I changed the name as the FMASN doesn't really seem like the type to have the species name in the name of their nation. I've been looking to improve them and elaborate on the structure of the complex alliance the Ucharpli realms have with one another. Infra's reasons Dhragolon history has always been quite chaotic with gaps of anarchy and numerous wars during their pre-space period. Altus Banya was one of the most recent attempts to bring peace and law. Of course, that didn't work out and Rustiagon Dralla came along. Originally, he had good intentions, but in the end, things would revert to how they were before despite them advancing in tech. The FMASN has been constantly at war, shifting in colonies all the time. The reason why they commit their genocides is to ensure their own survival. Even after the events of the Second Sinister War, it was not totally uphill for them. This is also why they have yet to reach Type II status yet. Rustiagon bloodline To fix my own issue of a single bloodline lasting 7,000 years, here's how it happened: Not all monarchs are direct descendants. To explain why the bloodline has lasted so long, it is because several of these monarchs have become absolutes. Along the way, you have a few Genghis Khan-type figures as well as several kings who decide to have many wives. Thus, the hero bloodline spread to around 0.5% of the total population. Of course, with the Altusian Brotherhood assassinating those who are related to Rustiagon Dralla, the only remaining descendant is Rustiagon Kalya. Possible Delson war In response to one of the points on the super post being "improve the Delsons" I thought that since their homeworlds are so close together, they would have met each other much earlier in history. This would be the time when the Delsons were aggressive expansionists, most likely some time after the Second Sinister War. For this war, Dhragolon and Delsons would be fighting over control of the area just east of the Heart and Soul Nebula. The result would be a stalemate, and the two decide to build their empires in separate directions to avoid another war, the Dhragolon going towards the core and the Delsons going away. They would remain isolated from one another for centuries. Alterations to The Meeting One way to easily explain why there are Gaeans in Delson territory is simply because they also took part in the War on Gaea. Certainly, they would want some revenge against the Harbingers. It would also make sense anyway, should the Delson war have happened already. The FMASN would reluctantly go to the Delsons for help when they learn that the Harbingers are going all out on Gaea. Delson Hegemony For the Delsons, while the hegemony itself is fine, the Delson race is close to a planet of hats if all of them have the knight-like personality. If they are completely unified, there should have been at least a major civil war among them. The Scorpio Ultimus should probably have been a controversial event for the Delsons. As they are redoing their entire philosophy, chances are some Delsons are not going to agree, and I think there should still be some sort of explanation as to how all Delson of today get along. Perhaps the Scorpio Ultimus offered them some sort of technology that allowed them to all think that way. Mind control in a sense. This would be the source of the civil war mentioned above. Humans I think Ashadrans should be significantly different than humans so that the two can be regarded as separate. A few physical differences would be present as they evolved thousands of years apart from one another. Going off of Galiana's image in ET, maybe the Ashadrans had slightly larger eyes than humans. Also, I think purple eyes should also be a common color, as opposed to rare. I don't really see the significance of Galiana having an ultra rare eye color unless it is relevant to the plot. The Tokarthi could have also deposited multiple sapient species on Ashadra to battle it out for dominance of the planet so that humanity doesn't seem so singled out and special. It would eliminate the fact that Gaea "just so happened" to be the planet the Tokarthi plucked some creatures from. Heck, maybe even a few Dhragolon could have been transported there, too. Humans in the end would dominate because of their numbers. Ashadrans should be a bit more widespread than Gaeans to better distinguish them from Gaeans. After all, the attack on their homeworld is pretty recent. It might make sense if they created a few colonies (five or so) of their own before their homeworld was attacked. And they would join the Delson Hegemony as an official minor empire. With the War on Gaea, the Gaeans and Ashadrans would definitely have conflicts. Some sort of bitter hatred regarding the favoritism of aliens. As a result, representing humanity in the Senate is difficult as some humans don't consider Ashadrans and Gaeans one and the same. To add to the drama, Enrico could have actually been from Gaea. As the Ashadra attack was after the War on Gaea, some Gaeans might have gone on some sort of pilgrimage to Ashadra to try to learn of them. Enrico's parents would have brought him there in the first place so there wouldn't be much alteration to OTT aside from minor dialogue changes. Of course, that's where the tension would begin between the two factions of humans. The Harvesters will have won because they might have caught them in the middle of some sort of skirmish which would mean the demise of Ashadra. Galiana I don't mind the Chosen One archetype if it is done well. However, I would like to see some elaboration on Selvarius's true intentions, making Galiana want to question if it really is a good idea to follow him. The Tokarthi could have been near Moroitos which is why the Harbingers wiped them out in the first place. The Amulet is a remnant of their tech and is a danger in the long run when it comes to Vern's seal. EIT The EIT is fine, but it's the time table and rate of advancement I'm not sure of. Being able to build Dyson spheres is astonishing for a space faring civilization that's only been around 1,000 years. Not to mention how they've conquered so large of a portion of the galaxy in a short amount of time. With a population of around quadrillion, I think it would make more sense if the EIT was a bit older. They don't have to be older than the FMASN, but at least 2 - 3 thousand years into the space age. To reach such population, it might be good to add that the Eteno mature very fast and therefore can breed very quickly. KMF Well, in chat, I was informed of how dark the law system is. That's a start to the list of proposed retcons as well as an addressing to one of my criticisms, but there's still a few aspects that I'm still a bit bothered by. From reading the KMF article, I would have never guessed that they are the chaotic good type as they sound nothing like a chaotic empire at all. Sure, they promote the diversity of it but their actual culture doesn't suggest it. With the complex traditions and rites of passages, they suggest a highly structured lawful society. Their crime system is especially evident of that. Of course, the views of the KMF do not have to represent the views of Etah. The two can totally be different. I do like how it is mentioned that the KMF is prideful. Their sense of superiority could be more deeply explored. I would think that if they were the ones developing the I-UD and other powerful technologies, it would be the final key to unlocking Vernietigen. This would set the stage for Galactic Apocalypse, not only the Dhragolon's refusal to be the Harbingers, but their failure to stop the KMF from developing their powerful technology and reaching Moroitos level. Etah Owar Don't get me wrong. He is a good character, but there are some traits about him that are bothering to me. To be honest, I think he's starting to steal the spotlight a little much. Not so much in Dark Prophecy, but for what we have planned later. Particularly his ability to convince others is what gets him in the center of attention. For example, convincing Infra that his ideas of law and order were totally wrong. Infra has been around 2,000 years longer and is highly unlikely to change his beliefs moments before his death. However, what I'm most bothered about is his planned convincing of Levenslang to step down. Understandably, Etah is going to turn into a Titan of Chaos, but I don't think the events after Galactic Apocalypse should seem totally idealized or better than it was before Vernietigen was destroyed. Either we should tone down the definition of Titan of Chaos from being ultimately invincible or we should play it out so that Levenslang does not try to interfere directly. Surely, Levenslang would be smart enough to not create something that is powerful enough to sway his core principles. (As Sunt did not originate from Omni 01, he would be the only exception.) Also, I'm still uncertain of Etah's philosophy. Like the KMF, I don't really see the Chaotic Good trait as obvious for him. He seems like the more vengeful type. As for his flaws, psychological disorders are fine, but I would like to see a few more personality flaws to balance out his extreme power. Perhaps his hatred for the Harbingers could be clouding his judgment. Either way, something more evident should be added to his backstory that would cause him to despise law and favor chaos. Overall message of GC Our wiki has a lot of themes, but we should avoid doing any preaching. (Ex: Chaos will always be better than order or vice versa.) Anything of that sort should remain subtle. If we are promoting anything, it should be facts rather than opinions. Things like history repeats itself or that every action has consequences. Personally, I think we should go for "Wherever there is black and white, there's shades of grey". Doing so, we can avoid further conflicts when writing with two different writers on the same story trying to preach opposite viewpoints. Well, that's my review. Comments and feedback are greatly appreciated. Category:Blog posts